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I am here to share my innermost thoughts with the outermost world

If she only knew

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If she only knew.

If she only knew the feeling of looking deep into her eyes, the feeling of nothing and everything at the same time.  Such a rush, with no measure. Like a drug, a craving you can’t resist.

Her glowing smile can be seen from mountains away, her precious laugh can be heard in a room full of footsteps.  If she only knew these feelings I felt. If only she could feel the power of her own touch, how electric she is. If only she understood how I fell and never hit the ground beneath me. If only she knew how magnificent she was.

Maybe then she’d understand why I feel lost and found at the same time. Maybe then she’d see why I never let go, maybe then she’d surrender too. Maybe then the feeling of her heartbeat would take over, maybe then we’d both become lost in the rhythm. Maybe then we’d shut our eyes and see the truth between us.

It’s a push and pull, a two sided mirror, a fire burning in the rain.

She’s love and pain, a sword through my heart. She’s the sand falling through my hands. She’s the sandcastle and the high tide by my bedside.

Broken glass and heartfelt memories fill the room in a spiral. She’s dancing and screaming, her footsteps become thunder. She casts a spell, a cauldron filled with broken promises and laughter. Smoke and hope rises, as the truth sets the bedroom on fire.

The walls begin to fall, exposing the night sky above us. The stars cast their wonder, the moon comforts all the madness. The horn sounds loudly and she holds me close. I feel safe.

Her heart screams with passion and desire, burning brighter than before. She speaks but I cannot hear what my eyes refuse to see. Lost in a downpour of love and madness I lose her grip, I slip and I lose myself.

I open my eyes and she’s gone.

I call out her name, there is no echo. I scream, but there is no sound.

I close my eyes, and she’s there.

I reach out and she sinks into the ground, I panic and dig into the soil, my hands made of thorns. I dig myself into a deep hole and the rain begins to pour, the thunder roars even louder. Drowning in fear and worry I surrender to what I feel and to what needs to be felt.

Days pass and I eventually float to the surface, the warm sun kisses my skin. The stormy skies clear and I find myself in an endless garden of flowers. I look around only to see what I saw all along, her love.

If she only knew.

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Be Thankful

Be thankful for all that you are.

Be thankful for all that you have.

Be thankful for all that you understand.

Be thankful for those who lift you up.

Be thankful for the struggles that shape you.

Be thankful for the morning sun.

Be thankful for your family.

Be thankful for all the love that is within you.

Be thankful for this moment.

Be thankful for all that you are.

Who is she?


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Artwork By: Alex Grey, Ocean of Love Bliss 

 

She is broken, but she’s beautiful.

She is love and madness.

She is a storm of laughter and pain.

 

She is fragile, but she is strong.

She is the raging river and the gentle stream.

She is a nightmare and a daydream.

 

She is the rose, guarded by her thorns.

She is the butterfly in the fire.

She is love, tangled in madness.

 

Her heart, cold and beaten.

Her eyes scream what her heart wishes to share.

Her love has been washed away, with none left to spare.


Embrace Failure

So many life lessons are wrapped in bow of defeat, coated in failure and resistance.

With every challenge that lies ahead, struggle and failure is often viewed and understood as a sign of incompetence.

It is this understanding that ultimately clouds our vision, holding us back from all that we can be.

How we choose to deal with defeat is a huge component towards our happiness, as every moment is an opportunity to connect with the breath and become present.

To be present is a constant practice. It is this practice that is developed and understood through struggle, failure, and defeat.

The practice of becoming present is a journey that has no end, requiring constant discipline and awareness of oneself. To live in the present moment is to feel and experience all that is happening now, in this moment. As this moment is all that we have.

Sounds pretty simple huh? Connect with the breath, stay present, and life is a wonderful dream. Sign me up please.

Yet among this simplicity lies a mountain of obstacles and failures, as we must choose to embrace this resistance.

When we become aware that failure is often a sign of effort, we can step back and smile. We can lay off the gas pedal and see that we are all constant works in progress. We are always in a state of transformation and development, all striving to become happy and free.

So please,

STOP

Stop now and breathe,

Breathe deeply.

 

That feeling in your chest is a sign that you are here, now. It’s a sign that life exists within you, and all around you. You are life, and life is you. So don’t worry, it’s okay to fail, to fall, to stumble. It just means you’re trying, it’s a sign that you’re in motion, a seedling in the soil. It’s a sign that you are fighting to become more.

No matter what obstacle that lies ahead, a lesson is to be learned. It’s merely a matter of perspective. Choosing to see the glass half-full and embracing all that this life has to offer.

Discipline is a beautiful practice, although it can act against us if we aren’t careful. So choose love, choose life, and choose to be happy. We have so much to be grateful for, don’t beat yourself up over what could’ve or should’ve been. Instead, choose to be here. Choose to be present and see everything happening for you, for the betterment of yourself. You are at the upmost now, failure doesn’t define you, it’s just a reminder that you’re trying, that you’re living, that you are here.

When we learn to fall in love with failure everything becomes so much sweeter.

Battling the Ego

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Reflection is a beautiful thing.

The pressure builds as I push myself to become more, to become better, to become great. But thankfully a deep breath acts as a grounding tool, a reminder, as I realize that this desire to become more and do more is nothing other than my ego attempting to take hold of the sails.

I step back and smile, as my ego then subsides. From friends to family, the expectation to succeed is everywhere. Who am I really trying to please?

At this point I’ve learned that everyone is going to have an opinion, a self-justifying belief, a snobby remark. But that’s fine, as everything we say and do is nothing more than a reflection of who we are, or at least who we think we are.

At the core we are all one. We all share the force of life, one breath at a time. But yet this pressure to perform still exists. The pressure to impress those most dear to me still lingers. There is a constant battle between myself, my ego, and my desires.

But at least I admit it.

Stuck at a fork in the road I have decided to take stride towards a brighter path. I am constantly seeking to improve, constantly pursuing perfection.  Although it is this pursuit that has it’s repercussions, as I have come to discover.

Perfection is non-existent, it is an idea fueled by the ego. To be perfect is to walk the line of which was laid out in front of you. So instead I have decided to disconnect from this idea of perfection, and remain persistent in my actions.

To swing the ax once and assume the blade is not sharp is ignorance in action. I have learned that many swings must be taken in order to turn the tree into firewood. To be persistent is to trust the process. It is to swing when one is weak and tired. It is to swing and miss, only to pick up the ax and swing once more.

To be persistent is to smile when you are faced with adversity, to smile when you are on the downside looking up.

To be persistent is to talk not with the tongue, but with action.

I am at a constant battle with myself, as we all are. Opinions and suggestions are at every corner, who is pointing you in the right direction?

From advertisement to digital notifications, we are constantly influenced. Subliminally even.

Reminding myself of the breath that resides within me I then smile boldly, as the last year of my life has been such an amazing experience.  I have so much to be grateful for, so many memories to reflect on. So many smiles to smile about.

Pressure exists naturally, so let it shape you as it may. But don’t forget that a lot of the pressure we all experience is created within our own minds, as the ego seeks to feed itself. Let the beast starve, or at least control how much it is fed.

Don’t allow this monster to consume you, understand that it is only doing what it does best. Let your ego become a reflective tool and smile when you recognize it’s presence.

Smile when the trenches become deep, and understand that it’s a sign of persistence. It is a sign that the ax has been swung. Smile big and shine bright, let your heart pour open to world and those around you, share this energy with everyone you encounter.

Allow yourself to be, allow yourself to smile and be happy. Allow yourself to overcome the pressure that is essentially non-existent. Your breath is such a powerful tool, use it to your advantage.

Breathe and reconnect before your ego takes over and you disconnect.


 

Stay True

 

Sometimes we forget to listen.

We become so caught up in our own head. With endless to-do lists and countless digital notifications, it’s no wonder we fail to see the beauty in the blue sky. As human’s we are not equipped to handle the daily stress that our current day reality forces upon us. From phone calls, to social media, we are constantly stretched out between where we are, and where we need to be; what needs to be done, and what’s happening. Who’s here, and who’s where? We become caught in this whirlwind of a digital reality and lose focus of where we stand in our physical reality.

We become consumed with the urge to stay connected, to be in the know. It’s an addictive feeling, to feel accepted by others. We can’t help it, this urge is hard to ignore. So what do we do? We spend more time tending to our devices, and less time tending to ourselves. We become consumed with the urge to reach out to our digital worlds, as we neglect the urge to reach inward.

At this point we need to draw the line and make a choice, a choice to focus on what truly matters. Ourselves.

How often do we choose to do so?

How often do we turn away from the crowd and listen to our inner calling?

It’s this process of becoming still that we then connect with our truest selves.

Still and at peace, we become connected with an endless supply of love. It is this powerful force that then reminds us of the energy that is forever present within us. We become so infatuated with this experience that we then refuse to experience life otherwise. It’s unfair to ourselves to not feel at our upmost.

To some, this may seem challenging, and that’s fine. Don’t doubt yourself, press forward.

Surround yourself with those who are on similar paths, with those who value themselves so highly that every decision made is for the better. There is no reasoning greater than putting yourself first, some may call it selfish, but that’s not the case. Putting yourself first is self-love, we cannot neglect this urge.

We cannot forget to love ourselves.

 

Endless Love

It’s almost a selfish feeling. An itch that can’t be scratched.

It’s a feeling that I have become so familiar with. A feeling that feels so good, so pure. Colors are brighter, and the sun feels warmer.

It’s almost as if you become addicted to this feeling, this overwhelming happiness. When you wake each morning you set stride to regain this feeling, this rush of life. So what do you do? Well that’s simple. You do what feels good, what feels right. You eat the right foods and spend time with the right people. You live a life where you are constantly pushing to become better, you eliminate excuses from your thought process. You become true. Your fire burns bright.

This feeling takes over and you soon become a walking beam of energy. You become connected to the source. Nothing can dampen your flame, not the darkest of days nor the bitterness bestowed upon you from others. You become resilient from anything that does not benefit you. You understand that the negative is a necessary component alongside positivity and happiness.

You smile in the face of adversity, as you recognize every obstacle as a sign of potential growth. It is these obstacles that you then chase and yearn for. It is these obstacles that then fuel you to reach higher with every day that you are given. It is then that you become addicted to resistance,  as resistance fuels growth.

You become so connected with yourself, with your body, with your mind. You learn to distinguish between the two. You learn to care for yourself, physically, mentally, spiritually. You learn how faulty your thoughts are actually conditioned to be, and yet you smile. This awareness allows you to observe your thoughts as they pass through your mind. You become aware of the endless river that your thoughts create. You then become able to recognize different thought patterns. It is at this point that you can then begin to alter your state of being. It is now that you have gained access to a higher level of consciousness.You begin to mend any imbalances that may be present in your life. You begin to see the program that was forced upon you. You understand that it’s all necessary, as your parents and early school teachers meant well. You then develop a sense of intellectual transparency and begin to read between the lines.

Your dreams become so vivid, and sometimes even overwhelming. You begin to channel your highest self. You become a walking antenna, forever connected and in tune with the universe. You become who you truly are, your truest self. You become vibrant, and rich with life. So full of love.

Sharing these emotions then becomes a therapeutic experience, and writing then becomes another medium implemented to reach this higher level of consciousness. 500 words into a blog post and you begin to disconnect, you are no longer in control as you transcend into the context of the observer. You reach this level of awareness often, and smile because your exact intentions were to get to this point. You are now filled with the endless energy stream that fills the world we live in. You realize we are all connected. Your smile burns bright.

Your heart opens to the world and you recognize the beauty in everything. You do this often and  months later this level of being is all you know, it’s all you understand. You look back at the progress you’ve made and smile again. You realize there is so much more to discover, you realize your true potential. You are forever a student of the universe’s teachings. You make it a point to stay on this path, as every day is just another opportunity to love yourself.

Never forget that love is always on our side. Love yourself first, and loving everything and everyone becomes an even greater reward.

 

 

The Power of Love

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Sometimes I think we all forget what is most important, our happiness.

If we aren’t happy then what is it all worth?

Happiness should always be considered when making a decision. Whether this decision is in the kitchen or in a relationship, our happiness must always come first. It’s not a selfish act, it’s self love. We must love ourselves before we can love anything else.

Every day we have the opportunity to love. When we rise from bed each morning we all have the power to choose what it is we will focus on. We have the choice to focus on all that is going against us, or all that is going for us. It’s simple.

When we decide to count our blessings we cannot lose. There is no sky dark enough to dampen our glow, there is no obstacle we cannot overcome. Happiness is a powerful tool that we all carry with us, we must learn to use it to our advantage.

Although our happiness cannot only be limited amongst ourselves. We must radiate this energy and create an impact on those who surround us. To love ourselves is one thing, but to love others is another. Loving ourselves and those around is a powerful thing. We cannot love ourselves and yet leave others helpless in the cold world where love is absent in their lives. We must choose to love ourselves and everyone we cross paths with. It is then that love begins to become a transformative tool. It is when we have mastered loving ourselves that we can then strive to master loving others. When we live with such an intention this life glows even brighter. The sun feels warmer, food becomes richer. Life begins to skip to the beat of your heart.

Love is powerful. Love yourself at all costs and happiness will follow.

 

Break Free

  

The new year has rolled around and everyone is striving to become their best selves.

From meal preps to protein shakes, it’s 2017 and it doesn’t count unless it’s on social media. So post post post your life away.

But how long will this charade last?

How many selfies and hashtags later until you lose motivation, become distracted, and your discipline levels wean? How long until you lose sight of your vision?

Eventually your ego will run out of fuel and you will find yourself trapped behind the doors of fear. Months have passed and you are no different than you were during the beginning days of January. Hashtags can’t save you, and Instagram filters can only make you look so thin. You look in the mirror and your reflection doesn’t lie, you realize you’ve been pretending. You realize you’ve been motivated not to become better, but to seek the acceptance of others. You realize you weren’t on a true path.

Oh thanks ego! You fooled me. I wanted to lose weight but instead all I lost was myself. I lost who I was, I lost my motivation, I lost sight of my vision. Why must you play these tricks on me!?

It is at this point that you must learn to dig deep and break free from this cage that the ego created. But don’t worry, it’s normal. This is what the ego wants, it’s a selfish monster. The ego doesn’t worry about the repercussions of indulgence and narcissism.

At this point you have two options. You can stay trapped inside this cage or you can break free and reconnect with your vision!

It’s normal to find yourself in the corner, trapped and distracted. Stupid iPhone, you must work for the ego, don’t you? I can hardly enjoy myself without you begging for attention. Why can’t you just let me be? Why are you so controlling?

It’s 2017 and technology is everywhere. It’s becoming the smokey mirror between ourselves and our visions. Yes, it is beneficial. But we must learn to connect and disconnect from our technological tools. If we cannot master this ability then we will become stretched out between the two and accomplish nothing. Lost in the void.

Whatever goals you may have this year can be met. But don’t forget why you wish to accomplish these goals.

Don’t forget who you are.

Don’t forget what it feels like to feel.

Don’t lose sight of your vision.

Don’t let the opinions of others influence you to neglect your passion.

Let your passion burn bright and keep you warm during these cold winter months.

Strive to become more of who you truly are.

Strive to stay connected with your higher self.

Strive to connect with others.

Strive to stay present.

Strive for stillness.

Strive to become more mindful.

Take risks!

Fear is an illusion that keeps us safe, but it can also limit us from the many rewards that this reality has to offer. Greatness lies on the other side of fear, and the only way to experience greatness is to stay connected with ourselves and commit to our personal visions.

2017 is a year for greatness. Do it for yourself, and make this year count. Reach a new level of existence. Become who you were meant to be!

Fear is an illusion, and obstacles are opportunities to improve.

May this year be in your favor.

Much love!

 

 

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